Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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