Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
cat food counts as protein by the way
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
