the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
