I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
