We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
