____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
