he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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