I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
