Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
