one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
