I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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