How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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