Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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