this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
