He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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