If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
