the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
