the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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