alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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