One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
