Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
