Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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