I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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