I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
