My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
