Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
