Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
