I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
