Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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