Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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