he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
