I like my sex mixed with concussions.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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