How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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