Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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