ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
