he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize