He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
