so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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