so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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