Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
