First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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