i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
