but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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