Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
