I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
