Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
