I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
