If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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