is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
