my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
