don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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