i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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