Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
