Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she looked like the before picture.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I party with great urgency now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
