R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
