Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
