I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm like, not good at living.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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