Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
