girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
