I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
two words...techno handjob
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
