You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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