if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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