you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they're like a gay fantastic four
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize