Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
