i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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