Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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