Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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