just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
