why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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