Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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