I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
