I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
