i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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