if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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