I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
