I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
