How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
