I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I met the friendliest cop last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
