I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
