Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
