I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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