well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
