Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
