Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize