nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
