Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
